…But then one gray morning did Internet Explorer 6 no longer load The Google. Refresh was clicked, again and again, but still did Internet Explorer 6 not load The Google. Perhaps The Google was broken, the people thought, but then The Yahoo too did not load. Nor did Hotmail. Nor USAToday.com. The land was thrown into panic. Internet Explorer 6 was minimized then maximized. The Compaq Presario was unplugged then plugged back in. The old mouse was brought out and plugged in beside the new mouse. Still, The Google did not load….
chumble spuzz
Posts tagged writing
Jan23
Jul5
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Open Letter: An Open Letter to the Gentleman Blow-Drying His Balls in the Gym Locker Room.→
I especially appreciate the way you’ve got one leg up on the counter. Not only does this allow the hot jet stream of air a more direct passage to your gene-carrying duffle bag, it also gives me an intrusive view to the white fields of pubis covering your taint and beyond. It almost makes me think of Santa Claus, but I was not sexually abused by Kris Kringle as a child.
Apr15
On welcoming homosexuals in the NBA - TrueHoop Blog - ESPN→
TrueHoop’s Henry Abbott:
So my question isn’t: How much are you going to punish this or that thing that happened to be caught by the TV cameras. Any number of players, coaches, and even beat writers can confirm for you that Bryant’s slur was the tip of the anti-gay language iceberg, which explains in part his sense that his punishment is extreme.
My question is: What is anyone actually doing to make the NBA gay-friendly? Who’s in charge of that? How’s it going?
Nov30
Savage Love by Dan Savage→
Advice Seeker: “Dan, Dan! My dick doesn’t work when I go like this.”
Advice Columnist: “Don’t go like that.”
Oct22
The chart above represents the scores for the “Iconic Song/Moment” category of the rankings.
Who is the Greatest Diva of the Last 25 Years? We Offer Scientific Proof!
AN EXPLANATION OF THE LIST OF DIVAS
After months of consultation, the crack team came up with the following list: Aretha, Barbra, Beyonce, Celine, Diana, Etta, Gladys, Mariah, Mary J, Whitney and Jordin Sparks. We included Jordin Sparks as a control, meaning, because Jordin Sparks sucks and sucks in a really boring way, she could provide a necessary context for how a really boring, shitty singer might rate out on the scale. We did not include Madonna because for a diva to really be a diva, the majority of her career must be built on the strength of her voice. Yes, it’s debatable whether or not everyone on our list fulfills this requirement, but none fail as disastrously as Madonna. Given the parameters we set up, there is simply no way to evaluate her without throwing off the entire system. Some others that would obviously have been included just a few years ago-Christina Aguilera, we’re looking at you!-have deemed themselves ineligible. (See also: outliers that seem like they are divas but are not, such as Grace Jones, Pink, etc.)
Regarding the above chart…
Notes: Barring some unforeseen war which will necessitate a greater performance, Whitney’s National Anthem at the Super Bowl will always be the greatest diva moment of all time. Consider the context: the country has entered the first Gulf War and the soldiers are watching the game, thinking of home. And here comes Whitney in a nylon tracksuit and a cleaning lady headband to belt out the most rousing, incredible rendition of the National Anthem ever. Aretha never had a moment like that, but has strung together enough semi-moments to be on a similar stage.
(via The Awl)
Jay Kang* and I worked together on the school newspaper in high school. He’s still a good writer…
The High Is Always the Pain and the Pain Is Always the High by Jay Caspian Kang
I cannot really pinpoint the time when the idea of a gambling problem became more than a funny joke. Maybe it was when I blew through a year of savings from my teaching job in the course of two weeks. Or maybe it was when I had to pay for a half-gallon of gas in quarters. Maybe it was that day at Hollywood Park, watching the brightly colored fillies march past. But during those last months when I lived in Los Angeles and thought about nothing but leaving, I know that the fantasy of poker, the millions of dollars one could win and the easy-living lifestyle, had long since burned itself out. Only in losing could I find a story that made sense…
…Gambling allows us to narrate our own downfall—each new hand another turn of fortune or squalor. Once, in Las Vegas, I lost $9,000 in one poker hand to a fantastic stripper wearing the same heart-shaped sunglasses that Sue Lyon wore in Kubrick’s Lolita. I won it all back in the 83 seconds it took for a long shot named Randini to cross the finish line at Emerald Downs. What other story could I possibly tell? Once, in Las Vegas, I lost $9,000 in one poker hand to a fantastic stripper wearing the same heart-shaped sung
(from The Morning News via kottke)
*he didn’t use the “Caspian” then
Sep24
Castrodale: Fear & loathing in the form of a question ... my brief reign as Jeopardy! champion→
NBC Sports writer Jelisa Castrodale describes her experience on Jeopardy.
That’s just about the last thing I remember. I know I gave a wide-eyed, rabid-looking smile into the camera as Johnny Gilbert mentioned my hyphenated hometown. I did write my own name at the podium, double-checking the shaky white letters to make sure I hadn’t left a crucial vowel backstage. But after that? The game is a blur of blended sounds and bright colors, kind of like a Grateful Dead show without the awkwardly swaying white people.
